A Spiritual Being Coping with Depression

Last night I had a vulnerable moment. I decided (or rather the Spirit decided) that I would use Twitter to help me cope with one of my depressive episodes. In doing so I was also lead by the Spirit through another spiritual being to talk about how I cope with being a gifted spiritual person who lives with depression and anxiety.

I have lived with depression for as long as I can really remember. I think the earliest I can recall it really affecting my life was in my late teens when I went off to college. As an African American with West Indian heritage, it was hard for me to seek help. My mother had taken me to therapy in my early teens, but she still had to keep up pretenses that everything was "okay" so those sessions didn't last long. African Americans are known to rely heavily on religion and prayer to "cure" mental health issues. So, all I really needed was a good dose of church and I'd be ok. But, I wasn't ok, and I wouldn't be ok for over a decade.

I spent most of my 20s in and out of major depressive states. I have cut and burned myself. I have contemplated and attempted suicide. I have lost all desire and hope. I have hit rock bottom, on several occasions. I can say that the ONLY reason that I am not dead is because I have work to do, and the Spirit won't let me rest until its done.

I have tried positive thinking. I have tried daily affirmations. I STILL consciously change my thoughts from positive to negative when I realize that I'm thinking negative thoughts. All of these things are GREAT coping mechanisms to help deal with depression, but they aren't a cure. Depression isn't just negative thinking, it isn't just extreme sadness. Depression manifests itself in different ways in different people. Each episode can look completely different. Sometimes you aren't even "sad". You may have a physical manifestation of depression. Or, you can't get out of bed, or stay awake, but you don't know why. Its not always about the thoughts in your head because sometimes there are no thoughts at all.

I have the wonderful benefit of speaking on this not just as a person who lives with depression, but also as a licensed mental health professional who has studied mental health disorders and their treatments. I also have the blessing of being a spiritually gifted human being. I have always been an empath and a healer by touch. I have recently, in the last year, discovered my clairaudience as well as clairvoyant abilities as well. So, how then do I differentiate my gifts from my mental illness? Its not always easy!

As an empath, you have to learn to distinguish your feelings from the feelings you're picking up from your environment, someone you're connected to spiritually, or simply someone you come in contact when passing. I spent, and still spend, a lot of time meditating so that I know how my energy feels. If I start to feel sad or off, I take time to assess the energy. A lot of times someone else's energy will cause me to feel anxious (this is where my anxiety is actually a good thing). This anxious feeling is a signal to let me know that the energy isn't mine and its my mind and body's defense mechanism against it. The closer I am to someone the more anxious I get. I have had panic attacks triggered by my twin flame being in a highly anxious state.

After checking to see if its actually my energy or someone else's, I can plan a course of action. If it's someone else's I can release it and go about my day. But, if it's mine its not that simple. The second thing that I do once I determined if its my energy, is I determine if its "real" or if it's something that my ego has fabricated. The ego plays a lot in mental health disorders. It is your spiritual defense mechanism, and it will do whatever it takes to make sure that your soul stays protected. Your ego, when unchecked, will lie to you, manipulate you, and control you. But, its all just a defense mechanism so that your soul doesn't get hurt. Its like how after that first heartbreak you believe that all people of the opposite sex are bad. That's your ego telling you that, trying to protect you from feeling that hurt again.

The ego can lower your vibrations so that it is hard to discern the facts from what you are feeling. It will take you into your Shadow self and show you all of your faults. I will play on your vulnerability to have you thinking that you have to hide who you are and harden yourself to protect your weaknesses. When you are faced with this Shadow self at a low vibrations it can be hard to embrace and love that side of you. In turn you may try to suppress your Shadow self pushing it deeper into your subconscious, this causes the downward spiral that is often seen and felt in depression. The more that you spiral the lower the vibrations go. And, while your ego has you thinking that you're protecting your soul. You're actually opening it up to spiritual attacks and energy vampires by vibrating so low. You become easy prey for negative energy because you've now entered its domain weak, vulnerable, and with lowered defenses. This is why its important for me to get my ego in check before I start to spiral.

One of the ways that I check my ego and determine if what I'm feeling is real or not is to do a fact check. I will write down all of the facts that I know and check it against what I'm feeling or believing. If the facts don't align with my thoughts and feelings then I repeat the facts to myself over and over. I meditate on the facts. This is different from positive thinking in that the facts aren't always positive, they are the truth. For example, after leaving an abusive relationship I would get in depressive states because I felt unloved and unwanted. But the facts were that my abuser did not love me, he did not want me, and he was using me. That's not positive at all, but that was the truth, and it helped me to release the soul tie that I had with him.

If I had to give one piece of advice to spiritual beings who live with mental health issues it would be "Its ok to be human". We are gifted, we are incredible, there are people who rely on us to help them and heal them, but at the end of the day WE ARE HUMAN! You don't have to always have your shit together. Its ok to fall apart and put yourself back together. Its ok to get help. PLEASE get help!

For years I was taking 5-HTP and St. Johns Wort to help me manage. (NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THESE AT THE SAME TIME. I would take St. Johns Wort in the morning and 5-HTP before bed. They do not interact well together!) But as I grew and expanded spiritually the efficacy of those herbs just wasn't cutting it. After several panic attacks I went to see a psychiatrist and now I'm on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. I am a kitchen witch! I believe in herbs, tinctures, and potions! I HATE going to the doctor and Western Medicine, but I also realize that sometimes its a must.

Even on my meds I STILL have episodes (see last night). I still have to meditate and question everything that I feel. As I expand my consciousness, I expand mental illness. Its a part of the territory. I look at it as another one of my gifts. It causes me to question EVERYTHING and double and triple check what I'm feeling. It causes me to spend a lot of time with my higher self and my inner child. So while I could see it as a burden, I don't. Its just a part of who I am. Now that is positive thinking!